Father, what are you doing?
My husband's grades were released yesterday. Because of a snafu with his Java file submission, he received one of the lowest grades he's ever gotten on a mid-term. That test was 30% of his grade and dropped his grade from 90 to 73. His professor has continued to refuse to let him submit the two files that didn't get submitted.
He is angry and he feels like God has abandoned him.
We know that God has called him to go to school at this time. We prayed for favor with his professor and it feels like nothing has come of that.
What are you doing? Where is our Advocate?
It's times like these when I don't know what to say or what to do. I am supposed to be his ezer kenegdo and I can't even find an encouraging word to offer him.
His dreams are being assaulted. He is being told that the best he can do, just isn't good enough.
You do not have what it takes.
Get back. You have no business here.
That's what I can do. I can be his ezer kenegdo. I can come to his aid. This is a spiritual assault. It is not about his grades. It is not about his professor. It is not even about his school.
I can fight.
Friday, February 22, 2008
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
The Question, (cont.)
Am I lovely? Do you see me? Are you captivated by what you see? - The Question
Sometimes, God will thwart the desires of our hearts. Sometimes he does it to force the fact that nothing will fill our desires but him. Sometimes he does it to reassure us that we are in the right place. Sometimes . . . well, sometimes only God knows his reasons.
My husband has been gone on a business trip, and I have felt a strong sense of thwarting from heaven. I have realized once again, I have elevated my my husband into the role of answering my Question.
Inevitably, something will happen . . . He leaves on a business trip. Or he forgets his phone. Or something happens elsewhere in his world and I'm caught in the crossfire.
I feel forgotten, abandoned and alone.
Instead of turning to the Lover of my soul, I fuss and cry and just generally make my husband feel like he's failing me.
He is a good a husband. He is a terrible god. No matter how wonderful he is, he will never be able to answer my Question.
That is for God alone.
That's why he wrote the Question.
Think about it. God longed for relationship. So he created us.
And he wrote the question.
It's not a bug that accidentally slipped into our code to mess up God's perfect creation.
God hand-crafted the Question and placed it into each woman's heart. And he wrote the Question in such a way that only he can answer.
Am I lovely? Do you see me? Are you captivated by what you see?
Yes. John 3.16
Yes. Song of Songs 4.7
Yes. Isaiah 62.3
Sometimes, God will thwart the desires of our hearts. Sometimes he does it to force the fact that nothing will fill our desires but him. Sometimes he does it to reassure us that we are in the right place. Sometimes . . . well, sometimes only God knows his reasons.
My husband has been gone on a business trip, and I have felt a strong sense of thwarting from heaven. I have realized once again, I have elevated my my husband into the role of answering my Question.
Inevitably, something will happen . . . He leaves on a business trip. Or he forgets his phone. Or something happens elsewhere in his world and I'm caught in the crossfire.
I feel forgotten, abandoned and alone.
Instead of turning to the Lover of my soul, I fuss and cry and just generally make my husband feel like he's failing me.
He is a good a husband. He is a terrible god. No matter how wonderful he is, he will never be able to answer my Question.
That is for God alone.
That's why he wrote the Question.
Think about it. God longed for relationship. So he created us.
And he wrote the question.
It's not a bug that accidentally slipped into our code to mess up God's perfect creation.
God hand-crafted the Question and placed it into each woman's heart. And he wrote the Question in such a way that only he can answer.
Am I lovely? Do you see me? Are you captivated by what you see?
Yes. John 3.16
Yes. Song of Songs 4.7
Yes. Isaiah 62.3
Saturday, February 2, 2008
Unseen & Unheard
Today, I snapped at my husband . . .
. . . for doing the laundry.
I had previously asked him to check with me to make sure that everything I had everything that needed to be washed in the laundry bin. This morning, he started the laundry while I was sleeping. He wanted to help me and didn't want to wake me up.
When I realized that he had started the laundry without checking with me, something in my heart said, Have you not heard a word I said about checking with me first?
What came out of my mouth was sharp, accusing and bitter.
We stomped around the house for a while. And then what I had done sunk in. I started to cry. I asked my heart what had happened.
Oh, God, I'm turning into my mother!
When we were younger, Mom used to say she felt like she had to yell and get angry to be heard.
I had just done that to my husband. What is going on?
At the root of it, I think it is the fear of being 'unseen'. If what I say isn't important enough to be heard, then damn it, I'm going to make it important.
I discovered, in my heart, a little girl who believes that you have to yell to be heard. She believes that no one will take her seriously. And that no one places value on what she has to say.
But what is the Truth?
My words have value to my husband. What I say is important to him.
God hears me. He thinks my words are important, too. His Love Letter says so.
Psalm 55:16-17 (NLT)
But I will call on God, and the Lord will rescue me. Morning, noon, and night I cry out in my distress, and the Lord hears my voice.
Psalm 34:15, 17 (NASB)
The eyes of the LORD are toward the righteous and His ears are open to their cry. The righteous cry, and the LORD hears and delivers them out of all their troubles.
Psalm 145:19 (NIV)
He fulfills the desires of those who fear him; he hears their cry and saves them.
Proverbs 15:29 (NLT)
The Lord is far from the wicked, but he hears the prayers of the righteous.
. . . for doing the laundry.
I had previously asked him to check with me to make sure that everything I had everything that needed to be washed in the laundry bin. This morning, he started the laundry while I was sleeping. He wanted to help me and didn't want to wake me up.
When I realized that he had started the laundry without checking with me, something in my heart said, Have you not heard a word I said about checking with me first?
What came out of my mouth was sharp, accusing and bitter.
We stomped around the house for a while. And then what I had done sunk in. I started to cry. I asked my heart what had happened.
Oh, God, I'm turning into my mother!
When we were younger, Mom used to say she felt like she had to yell and get angry to be heard.
I had just done that to my husband. What is going on?
At the root of it, I think it is the fear of being 'unseen'. If what I say isn't important enough to be heard, then damn it, I'm going to make it important.
I discovered, in my heart, a little girl who believes that you have to yell to be heard. She believes that no one will take her seriously. And that no one places value on what she has to say.
But what is the Truth?
My words have value to my husband. What I say is important to him.
God hears me. He thinks my words are important, too. His Love Letter says so.
Psalm 55:16-17 (NLT)
But I will call on God, and the Lord will rescue me. Morning, noon, and night I cry out in my distress, and the Lord hears my voice.
Psalm 34:15, 17 (NASB)
The eyes of the LORD are toward the righteous and His ears are open to their cry. The righteous cry, and the LORD hears and delivers them out of all their troubles.
Psalm 145:19 (NIV)
He fulfills the desires of those who fear him; he hears their cry and saves them.
Proverbs 15:29 (NLT)
The Lord is far from the wicked, but he hears the prayers of the righteous.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
