The Question

Am I lovely? Do you see me? And are you captivated by what you see?

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I remember what I was on a trip & I had just bought a skirt. When I got back to the hotel, I tried it on in front of the mirror. I remember saying something about liking my legs, because they're nice.

One of the young ladies I was rooming with shot back: "Well, look who's becoming vain."

I was stunned. To this day, when I look back on the memory, my heart recoils from the absolute bitterness in her voice.

I remember thinking, What?!

This wonderful, sweet & beautiful friend had just accused me of being vain, because I liked my legs.

Where does this spirit come from? If I had stood in front of the mirror and reviled myself, pointed out the 20 pounds I had gained in four months, or the flaws in my skin, or anything, really, that I don't like about myself, she would have jumped to my defense. Pointed out my good qualities.

After all, isn't this what "good, Christian" girls are supposed to do? Look down on ourselves and point out all our flaws? "Humbly" wait for someone to contradict us, point out our good qualities? Then, turn down all compliments?

Except that it isn't.

Romans 9.20 (Message) "Who in the world do you think you are to second-guess God? Do you for one moment suppose any of us knows enough to call God into question? Clay doesn't talk back to the fingers that mold it, saying, 'Why did you shape me like this?'"

For all our false humility, we only manage to slap God in the face & make ourselves feel worse.

Oh, Father, forgive our pretensions in thinking that we understand beauty better than you. Forgive our backbiting and & insecurities that cause us to say nasty things to & about others.

The Warrior is a Child

Lately I've been winning battles left and right
But even winners can get wounded in the fight
People say that I'm amazing
I'm strong beyond my years
But they don't see inside of me
I'm hiding all the tears

They don't know that I come running home when I fall down
They don't know who picks me up when no one is around
I drop my sword and cry for just a while
Cause deep inside this armor
The warrior is a child

Unafraid because His arrow is the best
But even soldiers need a quiet place to rest
People say that I'm amazing
I never face retreat
But they don't see the enemies
That lay me at His feet

They don't know that I come running home when I fall down
They don't know who picks me up when no one is around
I drop my sword and cry for just a while
Cause deep inside this armor
The warrior is a child

They don't know that I come running home when I fall down
They don't know who picks me up when no one is around
I drop my sword and look toward the sky
Cause deep inside this armor
The warrior is a child

- Twila Paris

Captivating, Part 1

How does a woman remain vulnerable without becoming an overly emotional wreck? How does a woman remain strong & fierce without becoming hard? How does a woman accept the glory in her beauty without becoming vain & proud?

Prayer of Surrender

Father, I abandon myself
into Your hands.
Do with me what You will,
whatever You do, I will thank You,
I am ready for all, I accept all.
Let only Your will be done in me,
as in all Your creatures,
and I'll ask nothing else, my Lord.

Into Your hands I commend my spirit;
I give it to You
with all the love of my heart,
for I love You, Lord,
and so need to give myself,
to surrender myself into Your hands
with a trust beyond all measure,
because You are my Father.

- Charles de Foucauld