Sound the Bugle - Bryan Adams

Sound the bugle now - play it just for me
As the seasons change - remember how I used to be
Now I can't go on - I can't even start
I've got nothing left - just an empty heart

I'm a soldier - wounded so I must give up the fight
There's nothing more for me - lead me away
Or leave me lying here

Sound the bugle now - tell them I don't care
There's not a road I know - that leads to anywhere
Without a light I fear that I will - stumble in the dark
Lay right down - decide not to go on

Then from on high - somewhere in the distance
There's a voice that calls - remember who your are
If you lose yourself - your courage soon will follow

So be strong tonight - remember who you are
Yeah you're a soldier now - fighting in a battle
To be free once more -Yeah that's worth fighting for

----

This song has to be one of the best I've ever seen that chronicles the journey from the complete and utter loss of heart to getting back into the battle for freedom. Let us never forget who we truly are.

----

Why Is Life So Hard?

I was going to write about how hard life has been, but I think John Eldredge says it rather eloquently, so I'll let him say it instead:

Let's start with why life is so dang hard. You try to lose a little weight, but it never seems to happen. You think of making a shift in your career, maybe even serving God, but you never actually get to it. Perhaps a few of you do even make the jump, but it rarely pans out the way you thought. You try to recover something in your marriage, and your spouse looks at you with a glance that says, "Nice try," or "Isn't it a little late for that?" and the thing actually blows up into an argument in front of the kids. Yes, we have our faith. But even there--maybe especially there--it all seems to fall rather short of the promise. There's talk of freedom and abundant life, of peace like a river and joy unspeakable, but we see precious little of it, to be honest.

Why is it that, as Tillich said, it's only "here and there in the world and now and then in ourselves" we see any evidence of a new creation? Here and there, now and then. In other words . . . not much. When you stand the side by side, the description of the Christian life practically shouted in the New Testament compared with the actual life of most Christians, it's . . . embarrassing. Paul sounds like a madman, and we look a little foolish, like children who've been held back a grade. Why is it that nearly every good thing, from taking the annual family vacation to planning a wedding to cultivation a relationship, takes so much work?

It's almost as if there is something set against us.
John Eldredge - Waking the Dead

Haven't you been there? You're standing like Indiana Jones on the brink of the precipice of faith with your foot in the air to take that step. Suddenly you find yourself desperately fighting to . . .

. . . Keep the car running.
. . . Keep the power on.
. . . Keep your place of residence.
. . . Keep your job.

. . . Put your own story here.

So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.
Paul - 2 Corinthians 4.16-18

I Will Give You Rest

I woke up this morning tempted to throw my alarm clock across the room and wondering why, after 8 hours of sleep, I was still so tired. The first thing that popped into my head was this passage from Matthew:

Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light. (11.28-30)

As I lay there pondering my exhaustion level and this passage, I suddenly wondered, If Jesus' promise is rest for our souls, an easy yoke and a light burden, why are we all so tired?

Ask any of your Christian friends, "How are you?" In most cases, you will get some form of "Tired" in response. And it's not just a physical tiredness. We are emotionally and spiritually exhausted.

That's not the promise. The promise is rest for our souls, not exhaustion.

So, why are we so tired?

Romans 1:1-7

Paul, a servant of Christ Jesus, called to be an apostle, set apart for the gospel of God, which he promised beforehand through his prophets in the holy Scriptures, concerning his Son, who was descended from David according to the flesh and was declared to be the Son of God in power according to the Spirit of holiness by his resurrection from the dead, Jesus Christ our Lord, through whom we have received grace and apostleship to bring about the obedience of faith for the sake of his name amon all the nations, including you who are called to belong to Jesus Christ.

To all those in Rome who are loved by God and are called to be saints.

Grace to you and peace to you from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ.

-ESV

St. Patrick's Lorica

I arise today
Through a mighty strength, the invocation of the Trinity,
Through a belief in the Threeness,
Through a confession of the Oneness
Of the Creator of Creation.

I arise today
Through the strength of Christ's birth and His baptism,
Through the strength of His crucifixion and His burial,
Through the strength of His resurrection and His ascension,
Through the strength of His descent for the judgment of doom.

I arise today
Through the strength of the love of cherubim,
In obedience of angels,
In service of archangels,
In hope of resurrection to meet with reward,
In the prayers of the patriarchs,
In preachings of the apostles,
In faiths of confessors,
In innocence of virgins,
In deeds of righteous men.

I arise today
Through the strength of Heaven,
The rays of the sun,
The radiance of the moon,
The splendor of fire,
The speed of lightening,
The swiftness of the wind,
The depth of the sea,
The stability of the earth,
The firmness of rock.

I arise today
Through the power of God:
God's might to comfort me,
God's wisdom to guide me,
God's eye to look before me,
God's ear to hear me,
God's word to speak for me,
God's hand to lead me,
God's way to lie before me,
God's shield to protect me,
God's Heavenly Host to save me,
From the snares of the devil,
From temptations to sin,
From all who wish me ill,
From near and afar,
Alone and with others.

May Christ shield me today
Against poison and fire,
Against drowning and wounding,
So that I may fulfill my mission
and bear fruit in abundance.

Christ behind and before me,
Christ behind and above me,
Christ with me and in me,
Christ around and about me,
Christ on my right and on my left,
Christ when I lay down at night,
Christ when I rise in the morning,
Christ in the heart of every man who thinks of me,
Christ in the mouth of everyone that speaks of me,
Christ in every eye that sees me,
Christ in every ear that hears me.

The Best Day - Taylor Swift

I'm five years old
It's getting cold
I've got my big coat on

I hear your laugh
And look up smiling at you
I run and run

Past the pumpkin patch
And the tractor rides
Look now -- the sky is gold
I hug your legs and fall asleep
On the way home

I don't know why all the trees change in the fall
I know you're not scared of anything at all
Don't know if Snow White's house is near or far away
But I know I had the best day
With you today

I'm thirteen now
And don't know how my friends
Could be so mean

I come home crying and you hold me tight and grab the keys

And we drive and drive
Until we've found a town
Far enough away

And we talk and window-shop
Until I've forgotten all their names

I don't know who I'm gonna talk to
Now at school
I know I'm laughing on the car ride home with you
Don't know how long it's gonna take to feel ok
But I know I had the best day
With you today

I have an excellent father
His strength is making me stronger
God smiles on my little brother
Inside and out
He's better than I am

I grew up in a pretty house
And I had space to run
And I had the best days with you

There is a video
I found from back when I was three
You set up a paint set in the kitchen
And you're talking to me

It's the age of princesses and pirate ships
And the seven dwarfs
Daddy's smart
And you're the prettiest lady in the whole wide world

Now I know why all the trees change in the fall
I know you were on my side
Even when I was wrong
And I love you for giving me your eyes
Staying back and watching me shine

And I didn't know if you knew
So I'm taking this chance to say
That I had the best day
With you today

Training - Day 2

Walking back to my building this afternoon in the pouring rain, I thought, Gosh, training tonight is really going to suck. Not only are we mixing in jogging, we have to do it in the rain.

I get together with my sister after work, and she's telling me about all the things that went wrong today. My goodness, getting to train is going to be difficult today.

We get down to the waterfront and what do we find? A little present from Abba:



Shortly after I took that picture and a little further down the path, I hear PFFF! I looked out into the little harbor we were passing and there was a seal! It was too far away for me to see exactly what kind it was, but it was most definitely a seal.


(Sorry for the seal dot, but my camera can only zoom in so far.)

Not only did Abba send us a rainbow and a seal, but when we were almost back to the car, there was a heron fishing off the rocks who decided we weren't enough of a threat to leave his spot.


God loves and richly blesses his children. Not because of anything we have done, but because it's his nature.

Thank you, Abba!

Reflections on Luke - Part 3

Nevertheless, do not rejoice in this, that the spirits are subject to you, but rejoice that your names are written in heaven.
Luke 10:20

Once again, the disciples display the all-too-human trait of focusing on the wrong thing. I find it comforting that even though they walked with Jesus in the flesh during his time here, they still missed the point sometimes (okay, most of the time). I've been a Christian my whole life and there are many, many times when I get spun off and excited about the wrong things. But Jesus is so patient and so faithful to gently remind me of the important things.

Reflections on Luke - Part 2

When the days drew near for him to be taken up, he set his face to go to Jerusalem. And he sent messengers ahead of him, who went and entered a village of the Samaritans, to make preparations for him. But the people did not receive him, because his face was set toward Jerusalem. And when his disciples James and John saw it, they said, “Lord, do you want us to tell fire to come down from heaven and consume them?” But he turned and rebuked them. And they went on to another village.
Luke 9:51-55

Leave it to the Sons of Thunder to highlight our judgmental tendencies. Oh, that I would learn to love more than I judge.

Reflections on Luke - Part 1

Our church is doing an epic sermon series on the book of Luke. We will be spending about 3 years going through Luke bit by bit. During the first sermon, Pastor Mark challenged us by saying that the average person can read through the book of Luke in 2 hours, which means that if you read for 15 minutes every day, you can read Luke once a week. He challenged us to read through Luke every week throughout the duration of the sermon series.

I sat down and figured out that I need to read 4 chapters a day to get through it every week. Normally, I don't like having to read that much Scripture in one sitting. I feel like I don't have time to process all the stuff that is in there. This is going to be an exercise in discipline for me, because I'm always wanting to stop in the middle and think about what I just read. But, if I'm going to be back at the same passage next week, and the week after, and the week after, I can continue to think about it for months.

And when they had brought their boats to land, they left everything and followed him.
Luke 5:11 (esv)

I was really struck by this verse even though it seems a little obvious. The disciples took care of the business they had on hand before they left everything to follow Jesus. It seems so logical, but how many times do we jump out of the boat to follow Jesus? Sometimes God calls us to something, but also asks us to continue along the job that we have until the appointed time to move on to the next thing.

It's Not For Them

Yesterday, October 1st marks the first day of our fiscal year and we spent it in prayer at a local church. We are so remarkably blessed to have wonderful artist partners who count it a privilege to come minister with worship.

I attended the break out session with two of the worship leaders, Anthony Evans & Michael Boggs. They opened the session up for Q&A at the beginning. As is often the case in sessions about leading worship, the question came up about how to get your congregation to cross the line from just singing into worship.

I thought their answers were very insightful.

Anthony mentioned meeting the people where they are at, if they like hymns, sing hymns. But above all, you should be authentic & you should be worshiping. He mentioned a few times they've gone into churches to lead worship where it was like "singing to a picture".

Michael echoed the idea of being authentic and that you should be worshiping. He also reminded us that ultimately, it's not about the outward expression, it's about the heart.

Even though I have never led worship from the stage, it is something that has been on my heart and mind often.

I find that this concern comes up often amongst worship leaders, especially here in the PNW. Even concerts here are rather subdued. About the only time a crowd gets really riled up, it seems, is for a 'Hawks game (and I would be interested to know what role alcohol has to play in that dynamic).

To me, it seems that there are a few points to consider when observing congregational worship.

1. What is the Pastor doing?
I had a friend recently share with me about her pastor sharing with the congregation what he had just experienced at church in Africa. He challenged the congregation to worship like that and then went and sat back down without ever demonstrating that kind of worship. At a church I attended recently, the pastor would often duck out of the worship service early to meet with people at the back of the church. It was a good way for him to meet with and pray for people, but I noticed that much of the congregation would filter out shortly after he left. Sometimes, there would be barely half as many folks in the sanctuary at the end of service as there had been at the beginning.

2. How is your service organized?
Many churches have to run on a tight schedule for myriad reasons. Our church right now is meeting in a school building. After service is over, we have to tear down immediately after the last song of the set. I have visited several churches of the liturgical leaning and found that the stand-up-sing-one-song-sit-down flow of service can be rather distracting for the uninitiated. Few churches have the luxury of allowing the Spirit to flow from song to song.

3. Where are you at with Jesus, personally and as a team?
This is the "be authentic" point. If you're not plugged into Jesus, it doesn't matter if you have the most emotionally connecting songs in the world, the congregation isn't going to feel it.

4. Who is your congregation?
If your church is composed up of blue-collar working men, you're not going to get a lot of reaction from them. But that doesn't mean they aren't responding. Those of us who are more expressive in our worship (there's a reason I sit in the back), can tend to be quick to judge if we don't see the same kinds of responses that are invoked in us. You can ask anyone who has sat next to me during a rockin' worship service, I cannot sit still to save my life. But I have learned not to expect that response from my husband, because he does not respond that way. He may sit down, or stand quietly, or even journal. Jesus does not override someone's personality when he works on them. He gave them that personality in the first place, and their response will be in keeping with who they are. If they are an artist, they may feel led to paint a picture when they get home, but you may never know that. Worship God as he has gifted & led you to worship, and trust that he will take care of the rest.

Which brings me to:
5. Who is your worship for?
You cannot force your congregation to enter the throne room. But you can enter yourself. As Michael & Anthony were talking about being authentic & getting to know Jesus for who he is, I was reminded of another conference session my mom gave me the tape for. Tommy Tenney was sharing about Esther and her preparation for meeting the king.

Here is the verse from Esther:

Now when the turn came for each young woman to go into King Ahaserus, after being twelve months under the regulations for the women, since this was the regular period of their beautifying, six months with the oil of myrrh and six months with spices and ointments for women.

Now, after 12 months of constant bathing in myrrh and other spices, Esther would have had a cloud of perfume around her. Every one who came in contact with her would have been completely blown away. But Tommy points out that this scent is not for them. It is for the king. Esther's time of preparation to meet the king enriched the lives of those around her, but it was not for them. It was for the king.

Self-Help . . . Or Not

I hate self-help books. In all their various forms and iterations. I don't like authors telling me that I just need to adopt this certain methodology to attain organization or develop these seven habits in order to become an "effective person" (whatever that means).

So why now was I standing in Borders, choking back tears, in front of that shelf in the Religious/Inspirational section, desperately searching for . . . What? Something, anything.

Because, to tell you the truth, I'm tired and I need help.

I'm tired of my husband feeling like he needs to act like my mother and my father. My mother, because somehow I managed to not learn how to feed myself, and so he has to try to scrounge up a meal for me on top of working full-time and completing his Bachelor's degree. My father, because I still can't manage to drag my ass out of bed in the morning to make it to work on time, and so he has to set two alarms and poke and nag and beg to get me up and getting around.

I'm twenty-four, for crying out loud, I should have at least these two things down by now.

I'm tired of hanging my head in shame when I hear "She's so organized", because I know the truth. The reason I carry that notebook in my purse is because I can't remember everything any more, and I got tired of constantly losing the napkins, envelopes and receipts I was writing those notes on.

And frankly, I'm fed up with being tired of these things, because nothing ever changes.

Hubby and I had just had a heated discussion (read argument) about my inability to feed myself. That was followed by a chapel message about hearing the voice of God, not merely listening to it.

As I was dutifully heading out to find something to eat, I felt that prompting. Go to Border's. You need some help. You can't do this by yourself.

The image of myself standing in that dreaded section of the store, thumbing through "The Seven Habits of Highly-Effective People", flashed through my head. What? Abba, you know I hate those books. I rolled my eyes, but turned towards the mall (maybe I am learning something). Well, there's a Starbucks there so I can grab some lunch and a coffee. And I can get those birthday cards I need at Border's. Maybe I'll go look at the books... I don't have to buy anything.

After picking out the cards I needed and a new journal to go along with . . . What? I'll just put it back if I don't find anything, I headed over for the Christian book section. As much as I detest the whole idea of picking out a book to begin with, the thought of trying to endure a bunch of psychobabble from psuedopsychologist who thinks that my problem is that I was potty trained too early, made it seem unbearable. At least a Christian will know that change without the Holy Spirit is impossible.

I soon found myself scanning a shelf full of imposing hard-cover books with titles like "Reposition Yourself: Living Life Without Limits", "Uncommon: Finding Your Path to Significance" and the like. Then my eye fell on a bright pink paperback. Only Nuns Change Habits Overnight. It made me chuckle, so I picked it up. I flipped it over to find, "The Best-Selling Author of Chocolatherapy". I knew the reason I had been sent to Border's.

Before I cracked open the book, I knew I had found a kindred spirit. This is a woman who gets me. Who understands what it's like to remember that "typewriter" is the longest word you can spell with the letters from the top row on the keyboard and to spend fifteen minutes searching for the pair of shoes she just took off last night.

Heaven knows, I've tried this before. But maybe, taking this journey with a woman who has never met me, but knows me all too well, and the help of the Holy Spirit, just maybe, I'll be able to move on from this place I've been stuck for too long.

Where are you from

Inspired by this poem.

Where am I from?

I am from three states,
five towns, and eleven houses
From a college town, the suburbs,
the country, and the suburbs again

I am from a Jeff and a Val
From a mistake,
A blessing,
A vow,
And healing
From Okies and Arkies
From neurological diversity
and cultural ambiguity
From twenty-five years of marriage
and a phone call home
at nine, noon and three

I am from the stock of strong women
and the men who love them
The kind who don't wait for the sink to get fixed
"I can do it myself"
Home-makers, career women, mothers, wives

From because-I-said-so
and to-make-little-girls-ask-questions
From pride in accomplishment
and the drive to do better
From go-to-your-room
and I-love-you
From organized chaos
From just-ask-your-father
and have-you-looked-it-up?
From laugh till you cry
and cry till you laugh
From no-man-is-an-island
and just-be-yourself

I am from schooling at home,
In the car,
At the park
From days at the library,
Dinner at home
And church on the weekends

I am from prayer before bed
From daddy's Bible still on the table
From discussing over coffee
and together by the fire
From follow-God's-plan-it-turns-out-better
and let's-pray-together

Where am I from?
It's hard to say
The journey continues
Day after day

Where are you from?
In this crazy space
Between Eden and Heaven
Each has a place

Thoughts on Corporate Worship (Part the First)

As this is something I have been mulling over for a while, there probably will be more to come on this topic.

It seems to me that there are two main schools of thought about being on a corporate worship team.

1. The first and, I think, most common among Christians and worship teams is exemplified by a conversation I had with a friend of mine a few weeks ago.

My husband and I had just gotten back from a Lincoln Brewster concert (which was amazing, by the way) . I was telling my friend, who plays bass, about Norm Stockton, the bass player who records and travels with Lincoln. Hubby and I had been talking about Norm's playing, and he had compared his playing to Billy Sheahan, who has played bass for Steve Vai.

When I mentioned Steve Vai, my friend face went completely blank like he had no idea what I was talking about. So I tried to explain:

"He's a great shred guitarist who..." "Oh, I don't need to listen to any of that. I'm only ever going to do worship."

2. The second, and less common, view is that if you don't know anything about music, stay off the stage.

Some friends of ours used to live in Nashville and at one of their churches, the music pastor wouldn't allow any one on stage unless they had a major contract or were touring with a major artist.

Hubby and I attended an informational meeting about leading worship at our church. They mentioned that they don't want anyone who doesn't have prior band experience to "audition". The three things they said they are looking for in a band are (1) theological soundness, (2) congregational participation and (3) musical quality/stylistic individuality.

In theory, this is great. In practice, what I have seen is that 3 comes first, then 1. If 2 is considered at all, it seems to be almost an afterthought.

Here is my question then:

Shouldn't we be looking for a balance between the two? As Christians, I believe God deserves the absolute best that we can offer him. However, does this mean that we leave the congregation behind so that our music can reach its creative heights?

Growing up?

Over the course of the last three days, I've had as many people back out of coming to my birthday party. One of them was someone I asked 3 1/2 weeks in advance because I know how quickly their schedule fills up. Aside from that, I can't get a firm commitment from any one, except my family.

Part of me feels like, because I'm a "grown-up", people don't feel like it's as important. I think for the most part, it may be true. Most grown ups don't really care if you remember their birthday, or at least act like they don't care.

I didn't get many birthday parties growing up. I throw my own because I think it's important to celebrate the fact that I'm alive & that God has blessed me. Every day, every year is a gift from God. Tomorrow isn't guaranteed, so we should celebrate where we are today.

Part of me wants to deny that this hurts, because, "It shouldn't. I'm a grown up now. Nobody really celebrates birthdays anymore." But it does.

Franciscan Prayer

May God bless you with discomfort at easy answers, half-truths and superficial relationships, so that you may live deep within your heart.

May God bless you with anger at injustice, oppression and exploitation of people, so that you may work for justice, freedom and peace.

May God bless you with tears to shed for those who suffer from pain, rejection, starvation and war, so that you may reach out your hand to comfort them and turn their pain to joy.

And may God bless you with enough foolishness to believe that you can make a difference in this world, so that you can do what others claim cannot be done.

Locked Doors & Abandoned Rooms

Today I unlocked the door to a long unused room in my heart.

My heart pounds in anticipation of what I will find here. I remember so much about this room. There was so much joy here. Love and laughter. Tears, also, but mostly laughter. It was a bright sunny space with many happy memories.

My heart sinks as the door opened. The room is dark and cold. I choke on the thick cloud of dust swirled up from the opening door. I tip-toe across to open the window and let in the light.

My eyes brim with tears as I survey the scene before me.

The furniture is covered with sterile white sheeting. The pictures have been taken off the walls and lined face down along the walls. The paint is cracked and peeling.

The neglect is appalling.

Then I notice something else. Several of the pictures are not just laid by, they have been hurled across the room and left laying, shattered, where they fell. Mixed in with dust on the floor are tear stains and a few blood stains as well.

Suddenly, the other memories flood back in. The pent up anger and jealousy that led to throwing the pictures across the wall. The loneliness and despair that had led to the slow, painful lock down of the room.

The summer there was no longer time for me.

The winter I was replaced.

I stand for a moment, just remembering. I remember the days coming here in tears. I remember the months spent carefully covering the furniture. I remember the day I locked the door not sure when I would return.

Somehow, this neglect and hopelessness seems so much worse. Worse than the rooms I have burned to the ground in my anger. Just down the hall, a door opens to embers and charred beams, but I feel no remorse for that.

My tears well over, I can not help them. This systematic lock down and neglect. I did this. I did it on purpose.

This hurts worse, I feel worse about this room, because this room matters. It was and still is important.

I walk to door. Now a decision must be made.

Do I stay? Do I try to patch that which has been broken and neglected?

Part of me says "No, close the door and walk away." This is the lonely, tired and cynical side of me.

My hope says, "Do not give up. Not yet. It has been a long time, but all is not lost."

My hand is on the doorknob already.

O Father, what do I do?

Flight of Fancy

Something happened this week that has been difficult for me to deal with. I found that the best way for me to deal with my emotions was to write a story. What follows is completely fictional, and any resemblance to real people and real places is probably a figment of your imagination (but not entirely unintentional).


My Lover sent me a wedding ring, by way of a friend. It is the most beautiful piece any one has ever given me. I know that He loves me dearly.

I keep it in my jewelry box. Whenever I'm feeling sad or lonely, I pull it out and remember that He loves me.

A few weeks ago, He sent another friend with a matching pair of earrings. He said, "I just wanted you to remember that I love you."

I was so excited to be so loved. I wore the set to a friend's house. "Look, look what He gave me."

She sighed. "My dear, don't you see that these aren't real?"

She reached for her catalog she always had on hand. "Now these... These are the real ones."

We spent sometime poring over the beautiful pearls and diamond settings.

"These are what real jewelry looks like. Those things you're wearing... Well, can't you see how cheap they are? He probably gave the real ones to your friends and they kept them. Frankly, these look like they came from a vending machine."

My heart was sinking. "But, but... He gave them to me."

"Look," she said. "Your ring, it's plastic. It may look pretty, but let's be honest, it isn't even real. It doesn't look like any of these." She pointed back to the catalog. "And those earrings! Those are even worse! Cheap. Clip-on. Mere imitations of the real thing. I can't believe you even wore them!"

I took them off and packed my treasures away in my purse.

We spent the rest of the time talking about other things.

As I got ready to go, she said, "I would be careful about those friends of yours. I think they're trying to rip you off."

I smiled, but I don't think I successfully hid my sorrow. I thanked her for her concern.

When I got home, I wrote a letter to my Lover. I told Him what had happened, and I asked Him to show me the truth about my jewels.

The next morning, I was delighted to find Him waiting for me. I asked Him again, "Is it true? Were my friends dishonest with me?"

His response was, "My gifts will always reach me you, no matter what."

He asked to see my jewelry. I brought it out.

"Let me show you something." He pulled out the catalog and pointed to several settings. "See how this and this are in your ring? See how these earrings look a little like yours? I didn't want to give you one of these, I wanted to give you something special; something unique."

"Something did get lost though..."

As I watched, He pulled out a kit and started fiddling with the settings and soon, they became even more beautiful than before. They had transformed, before my eyes, into genuine, beautiful settings more breath-taking than any but the most expensive in the catalog.

"Never forget that I love you."

I won't. I placed my jewelry back in the box.

I wonder if I'll ever show anyone else...

Patterns

My husband and I were discussing Story tonight. And how a lot of things that happen in our lives can be described by patterns. Variations on a theme.

I discovered a relational pattern in my life last night.

It goes like this:

I develop a friendship.

The friendship deepens and we become very close. Think Betsy-Tacy.

Something happens. I move. Or she moves. Or someone else comes along. Or she doesn't have time to hang out with me. Or I do something stupid. Or, or, or . . .

We make some half-hearted and feeble attempts to maintain the relationship. A few letters or e-mails. A phone call or two.

Then, even that gradually stops.

I assume that if she wanted to stay in touch, she would call or e-mail. But she never does. And I never do.

And just like that, the ghost of our friendship slips away in to the mists.

Never anything crazy. No fireworks or grand explosions. No bridges burned. Just the long, slow death of neglect.

As I came to this realization, I began to weep. I was grieving for the friendships I have lost. The ones I am currently losing.

For the pattern has begun anew . . .

The pattern must be broken, my child.

When?

Now.

How?

Pursue. Pursue to the ends of the earth and the depths of the sea. I did it for you. Will you do it for her? For Me? Does she deserve any less than you?

An Assault

Father, what are you doing?

My husband's grades were released yesterday. Because of a snafu with his Java file submission, he received one of the lowest grades he's ever gotten on a mid-term. That test was 30% of his grade and dropped his grade from 90 to 73. His professor has continued to refuse to let him submit the two files that didn't get submitted.

He is angry and he feels like God has abandoned him.

We know that God has called him to go to school at this time. We prayed for favor with his professor and it feels like nothing has come of that.

What are you doing? Where is our Advocate?

It's times like these when I don't know what to say or what to do. I am supposed to be his ezer kenegdo and I can't even find an encouraging word to offer him.

His dreams are being assaulted. He is being told that the best he can do, just isn't good enough.

You do not have what it takes.

Get back. You have no business here.

That's what I can do. I can be his ezer kenegdo. I can come to his aid. This is a spiritual assault. It is not about his grades. It is not about his professor. It is not even about his school.

I can fight.